I seriously think, no scratch that, I KNOW, I have some form of ADHD. Why can't I get online to do one thing without having 8 browser tabs open? Why can't I focus on just one book at a time? Why can't I clean my house without ending up picking up 12 things out of 4 different rooms, only to find that they are all still a mess and I just spent all my time "wandering" when I meant to grab the cleaning wipes 10 minutes ago? When I go upstairs for a new cup of tea or coffee, I wash 6 dishes, wipe down one counter and start dinner and wander back downstairs WITHOUT. MY. DRINK. It's frustrating. I spend more time making needless trips than actually accomplishing something.
Our lifestyles do not make it any easier to focus either. I will get a good focus going and then get distracted. For example I typed the above paragraph and then my phone vibrated so then I had to pick it up and see what the alert was, then my calendar reminder went off reminding me I have a conference call in 10 minutes, etc... Our lives are filled with interruptions, and we choose to let those interruptions cause a distraction for us. I don't know how many New Year's resolutions I've made to be more disciplined, more focused and more organized. Has it happened yet? No. Not really. Have I tried? Yes, maybe not hard enough.
I decided to be a Beachbody coach. I LOVE the way I feel taking Shakeology. I love the way I feel when I workout, while drinking the shake everyday is easy, the getting up an hour early to work out part, is not. I struggle, no actually I snuggle. In bed. With my dog. And pull the pillow over my head and block out the alarm. Then later in the day realize it's either workout, clean or one of the other half a million tasks I need to do, but that I can't do them all. So it's generally working out or cleaning that go by the wayside. Seriously, I am not filthy. My house is safe and mostly clean. I do dishes and laundry everyday, clean the cat box, etc... But when was the last time I cleaned baseboards? Really scrubbed down the entire house? I don't remember. I have papers on my fridge from last years sports schedules. I have pictures and Christmas cards from years and years and years ago in a drawer in our kitchen... I don't know why. Other than I haven't committed to throwing them out. Some relative may find out I threw out their Christmas family photo and hold a grudge. Back to the point, I love Beachbody and coaching, but I NEED to have focus to be successful at it, or anything for that matter.
When I started in April I was determined. I was focused. I was ready to change my life. I was giving all my glory to God. I was committed to tithing. I was journaling daily. Then I lost focus. My mind wandered as I was "busy" with all the back to school "stuff", coaching and sports events, senior year stuff, etc... The list could go on and on. But what I've realized is that it's up to me to choose. We are all busy, but why? Because we choose to take on more than we can physically and emotionally handle. Then at that point everything else unravels. I snap at my kids at my husband and live in a generally frustrated mood. I stay in bed with my dog instead of getting up and doing my devotions and workout. So how do I work on staying focused? I need to ask God, daily, for his help. I know that when I seek Him and His will, that life just goes more smoothly. I'm not as ornery, rushed or frustrated. One of the books I'm reading now, "The Best Yes", by Lisa Terkeurst, is about choosing when to say yes. Some of us (me me me) have a hard time saying no. I feel like I'm expected to do a lot of things that a lot of other people never even think of doing, like making chicken citrus salad for a school of teachers tomorrow during conferences so they have food... Why do I feel compelled to volunteer and say yes to stuff like this when I don't even make time for the stuff I NEED to do everyday??
So, as part of my "staying focused" attempt #1,693 (probably more than that) I am committing to my daily devotions and journaling/blogging. Daily or at least 3-5/wk exercise and spending a 1/2 hour a day working on some area of my house that NEEDS to be decluttered. Because every time I see it, the frustration builds. So how to do this? I need to add 1-2 hours of time to my day right? That means getting up about an hour early and instead of relaxing (which I know we all need) at night on the couch with the kids for an hour or two, it means decluttering. It won't be easy. I'm guessing at some point I'll start a cupboard full of stuff and come back an hour later to see that I left in in a state of disarray and feel like a failure for not being able to organize one silly cupboard. BUT, I know that my organizational skills doesn't define me. I'm not perfect. And as the one book I'm reading says, (paraphrased) I'm a work in progress. I'm making small baby steps, imperfect progress, but still progress. (From Unglued by Lisa Terkeurst).
So, be prepared for blogging... I'm taking those small steps to be a better me, a better wife, a better mom, friend and coach. I'm hoping to declutter (1/2 an hour at a time), get in shape, and Be. Happy. with the choices I make. It won't happen overnight. I'm sure if you check back in a year, the struggle will war on, but hopefully my house will be 100 lbs of clutter lighter and my abs will be toned, and most importantly, God will be smiling upon me as I read my devotions and spend time in prayer. The struggle is real, most definitely, but it is not impossible. Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
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