The Mirror

Have you looked in a mirror lately? I'm sure we all do a few times a day. Well, in case you haven't noticed, the mirrors, all of them, they lie. They show us wrinkles and spotty skin. Dimples in our legs where toned muscle used to be. A little extra roll on our tummy where that six pack used to be. The mirror shows us our flaws, because that is what we've been taught to see when we look in the mirror. The scales, they lie too. I would throw that thing in the trash. Now. But the mirror, is a reflection of what we are on the outside, but that is not the reflection of our true self. The reflection shows you how tired you are for staying up at night with a sick kid, or getting up early with your husband before he leaves for work. The reflection shows you the lines that grow deeper every time your teenager is out late on winter roads. The reflection that the mirror shows me every morning is a 40 year old, tired mom, who needs more sleep, more coffee and less food. But the mirror lies...

The mirror doesn't show us our value. It doesn't show us the people that we made smile yesterday. It doesn't show us the child that looks at us and thinks we are perfect no matter what. It doesn't show us the grateful husband who appreciates the time we take for him. The mirror doesn't show us the love we feel when our child walks safely in the door. The mirror doesn't show you the string of friendships that value your true self. The mirror doesn't show us the sacrifices we made to earn those wrinkles. The mirror doesn't go past those surface imperfections, but are they really imperfections? I have decided to embrace these lies, these flaws and imperfections. I have decided as a 40 year old mom of three, who works, raises a family, coaches, volunteers, tries to clean house, cook meals and have a social life all at the same time, that I will embrace what the mirror shows me as my flaws. I will savor that last piece of dark chocolate and know that there may be a dimple on my rear end in the morning from it, because I don't want perfection. I want balance.

I want to enjoy my life, not live it trying to maintain everything in perfect order. All that does is stress me out! I want to be healthy enough to live long enough to see grand kids some day (not any day soon...), to travel, to build a tiny vacation home with my dear hubby, to see retirement. I don't need to be 135 lbs and in perfect "shape" or have all my hair in place and makeup on to do any of that. I spent a year trying to be in the best shape of my life, eating clean and all it got me was burnt out. I neglected the other parts of my life. I've decided that I'm okay with only working out 3-4 times a week instead of 5-7 times. I'm okay with a little dark chocolate once in awhile. I'm okay using my lunch break to write, to spend time with friends, or to clean my house, rather than making myself get that extra workout in.

There is no perfect woman in this world. Those that you think are perfect have a whole world of skeletons in their closets. We are not perfect. But the goal is not perfection. The goal is happiness and health, and my happiness doesn't come from being 135 lbs, it comes from taking the time to savor all the little bits of sunshine each and every day. From accepting that it is a fact that I'm getting old, that it is a fact that I may never wear a size 4 jeans again, that it is a fact that I do have wrinkles and dimples (not the ones when I smile)... These traits make each and everyone of us beautiful.

So tonight, when you are brushing your teeth and looking in the mirror. Look past the mirror. Know that YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. That your soul has touched someones; your kindness has helped someone;  your wisdom has taught someone, and your laughter and smile have brightened another's day. Know that beyond the flaws and imperfections that we are all fighting the same fight. We are all seeking happiness and good health. Accept that there will be mistakes and oopsies and binge diet coke drinking (super size is the death of me), but that in the end, if we accept these and don't torture ourselves for these flaws, there will be balance, true beauty and happiness.

Tell another woman today how beautiful she is!

First Day of School Prayer

So today was the first day of Jessi's last year of high school, and Robby's first day of his last year of elementary school. Meanwhile, Jason is starting week three of college classes out in Colorado. Listen carefully friends, it is NO joke when I say, TIME MOVES TO FAST! I feel like I blinked and lost 5 years. 

I saw this prayer today and had to share it, and blog it so I could save it. It captures everything. 

El Shaddai,
Walk with them. Reveal Yourself—in ways old and new. Please be near.
Fuel their passions. Strengthen their resolve. Fill their hearts with peace and love.
When loneliness comes, be their Friend.
When fear overwhelms, be their Rock.
When the path seems hidden, be their Light.
When they are broken, heal their hurts.
When they doubt their calling, be their ever Burning Bush.
When they doubt You, show up big.

May they fall in love with learning.
May they discover new gifts.
May they steward well their money, their talents, their time.
May they discern Your truth and cling to it. Tight.

I pray for a church home where they can find community and be fed.
I pray for a mentor who will challenge them and cheer them on.
I pray for some life-long, life-giving friends.

Build into their being tenacity and resilience,
Patience and compassion,
Boldness and gentleness,
And a deep dependence on You.

When they trip and fall, or when they run headlong in the wrong way, be their Father. Pursue them relentlessly. Pierce their soul. Lift them up. Dust them off. And bring them back.

You are God

So, while I know this year will again fly by with a lot of new challenges for Jason, a lot of last times for Jessi and a world of growth for Robby, I pray that in all that this year brings, that my children will continue to grow in faith. 

Here's to another school year! 

Late Night Call

No parent ever wants "that" call. That call that starts, "Mrs. Slaughter? ... This is officer so-n-so, calling for your daughter Jesslyn... She was in an accident..." You can't prepare your heart quick enough to not stop beating, or to tell your stomach not to fall out. All you can do is pray.

We were blessed. She was truly being watched over last night. I pray every day for my kids, their decisions, their safety, etc... I feel that God truly had his hand around her last night. She had reached for her Gatorade, and hit the rumble strip on the fog line and jerked the wheel to the left and over corrected, crossed oncoming traffic and flipped her car upside down. What didn't happen... She didn't hit oncoming traffic. She didn't go off the road into the group of trees on the other side of the driveway. She wasn't injured. At. All. She said her legs were "hard to pull out" of the car, but they weren't pinned. She squeezed out the passenger side window, the rest of the glass in the vehicle was blown out, but she crawled through the glass covered ground and had a tiny tiny scratch on her pinky knuckle. 

I've handled many many auto claims. Many with the exact same scenario, that have ended much worse. I've seen first hand the results of what that overturned vehicle can do. But last night, we were the ones blessed by God's grace and protection. I didn't get the even scarier phone call that they had taken her to the hospital. 

As I went to bed last night, I couldn't even begin to worry about the ticket, the car, the insurance. All I could do was thank God, over and over and over, for keeping my baby girl safe and watching over her. Somehow, someway, he will help us replace the vehicle. But replacing my baby girl is impossible. 

Lord, Thank You. 

All My Worries...

Life has been so crazy these last few weeks. Graduation is crashing down around me, one month from today! I've become stressed, worried that I won't get everything done, that I won't be able to afford everything, that I'll forget something, etc... I was ordering graduation open house invites last night and I have No. Idea. how many to order?? Getting a list from my son is about impossible. He procrastinates as much as his mom.

So last night, as I was freezing cold (thank you Michigan for the snow in April) at soccer practice for almost two hours, I was getting caught up on my devotionals and reading through the Bible in a year plan. I heard this song... then I heard it again this morning. God is speaking to me.

Strangely Dim

"But when I fix my eyes on all that your are, and every doubt I feel deep in my heart, grows strangely dim. All my worries fade, and fall to the ground, cause when I seek your face, and don't look around, any place I'm in, grows strangely dim."

I've been so focused on what I need to do, that I've started to lose track of who will provide, and who will guide my plans. The good Lord, probably doesn't give a whole lot of thought to whether I should have a taco bar or sandwiches at the open house, he probably doesn't need to choose if I leave it open for 2 hours or 4, but he does care that I seek His face through out the entire month. And that I fall on my knees and dump all my worries and stress at His feet. Or that, I fall on my knees in thanksgiving and praise Him for all the blessings we have seen in these 18 years with my son. 

I've been so busy worrying about this next big step that I haven't enjoyed the blessings of it all. He has a fantastic opportunity ahead of Him. God has blessed Him. God has blessed us. The future is wide open. There are question marks and unknowns at every turn. My son is going to COLORADO. Yes, he will be out of state and will be wrestling for Western State Colorado University, and Yes, I'm beginning to miss him already. I'm making lists and lists in my head of everything he will need. Those lists turn into money worries and time worries, and then I begin to lose myself in it all. 

I've worried so much so, that I barely took the time to thank the Lord for my youngest son's baptism on Sunday. I'm letting the blessings slip away... So today, and hopefully everyday, I will fix my eyes on Him. I will pass along these worries and fears, no matter how insignificant in the overall scheme they may be. I will allow Him entry into my plans and watch "All My Worries fade"... because in God's hands, all the problems I have, do grow "Strangely Dim." 

From the First to the Last

It's been a crazy, emotional week. Today is my son's last wrestling practice of his high school career. You other mom's out there know how this feels. It's like a series of flashbacks playing over all the times they've been on the mat since they were 5.

Do you remember their very first practice? The first time they won? The first time they lost? The first time he cried because it was all over and he just wanted to keep wrestling? The first time you thought he was injured? The first time he was... His first medal. His first trophy. His first time at State. His first placing at State. The list is endless... There are so many moments and memories. 

The lessons learned growing up are many, but the lessons learned in this sport are priceless. I know my son has learned humility and pride both for himself and the team. He has learned to keep going and never quit. He has learned hard work, dedication, commitment. He has learned that the real success is all the time you put into the "getting there" not just the win itself. He has learned that we all suffer failures, have bad days, and the winners don't settle there  and accept it. He has learned that the real winners in this sport are those that fight the hardest, over come the obstacles, and put all their Glory in God. The lessons learned from this sport are those things that have made him a better man, son, friend, brother, and a better leader. 

I want to just cry every time I think "last practice"... Tomorrow is the "last" State Tournament. Eventually, in the next three days, we will face his "last" match in high school. I have a feeling this may be the hardest three days that I have had in a long time. To those who don't have kids in sports or wrestling you may not get it, but believe me - this is way worse than watching them drive for the first time, go on their first date, etc... this is watching the "end" of a great season of their life. Watching the end of something that has been infused in their person for so many years... He will leave his mark on this sport. He has broke records, set records, and will wrestle more in his future, but this sport has also left it's mark on him, on all of us. 

I only pray that he will leave it all on the mat these last three days, as the saying goes, "Go big or go home." All that matters is that he uses his talents and abilities to honor God, and to do the best in all that he does. I pray that he leaves this wrestling season knowing that he did his best, that he got up when he didn't think he could, that he went farther then some thought possible, that he didn't quit, and that he didn't give up on what his dreams were. I pray that he sees the value of both the wins and the losses. The he realizes the true successes or often not seen by others, it's those horrendous practices, the grueling diet, and the ability to overcome it all and keep working towards the goal. Other than that, it's just another wrestling match, right? Bring me the kleenex... 

Coffee and Chat

I've stuck with my plan to read thru the Bible in a year. I'm on track with my daily readings. Sounds good right? Wrong. You are probably thinking I am sounding like a horrible person. Truth is. I've "crammed" those readings in. I started the year off right, by putting that quiet time and daily reading at the beginning of my day. But lately, I realize it's 11pm and I haven't read it yet and I fall asleep reading my daily Bible reading. This is wrong.

The other day I did manage to get up early, grab a cup of coffee in my quiet house and focus on my reading. I felt so much better. I absorb it. I learn. I am moved. I am NOT falling asleep and making myself read it.

So here I am, today, 1:05pm. And I haven't read it yet. So why am I blogging instead of reading you ask? Because I had to get this off my chest. I've been trying to put so many things in line. My fitness, my finances, my faith, my family (no, not in that order) and juggling them has become a literal circus. Do I get up early and exercise or get up early and read? When is the best time to do one or the other? When do I get the laundry, dinner and family stuff done? What about work?

Life is a perpetual juggling act and I am very, very far from perfecting it all. Here it is, almost the end of February and I don't have a schedule for my day that fits. Of course the everyday surprises that pop up don't help that at all either.

So what works for YOU? How do you juggle it all. I feel the best when I start my day with a quiet cup of coffee and chat with God. I also feel great starting off with exercise, but yet I also like a lunchtime workout (which I just finished).

Let's hear it, let's pour a cup of virtual coffee and chat about what works for you? I want to know. I want to know who out there has it "all" planned out. Who out there flies by the seat of their pants, like me... If you are like me, what do you do to keep yourself centered and on track? Is it a lack of discipline, lack of focus, or just to much in general going on? I need answers!

Lessons Learned from Lack of Coffee

We all like to savor that coffee aroma, smell that fresh cup, and most of us are waiting for that first sip to ease our way into the day. Now back before I started Shakeology and was a full fledge coffee addict, today would have been a complete disaster and I would be in emergency mode... My Keurig 2.0 (see prior post on my Early Gift) quit dispensing water this afternoon. YIKES, no coffee right?

I found it amusing to realize that the panic that set in the last time my coffee pot died, versus the lack of panic when it happened today was both because I no longer NEED it and because I now have different priorities.

Before I NEEDED it. I had to have coffee just to function. I could. not. hold a morning conversation pre-coffee. I was in nod and stumble mode until that first cup was gone. Now, half the time I don't drink the cup I brew, or like today, it's just to keep me warm and because I still LOVE the aroma of it. Before I would never have used a Keurig, I went through so much coffee it would have cost me $10.00 a day for all those K-cups. Now, I use 1 maybe 2. I like it for the hot water dispensing on my green tea bags as much as for the quick coffee.

Anywhooo... back to the story. It died. I called the 800 Help Me Keurig number. They were fabulous! Talk about customer service! She walked me through a couple troubleshooting steps, I basically did surgery on the thing. We tried a couple more times with a little bit more result (my 10 oz of water took over 5 minutes and 4 oz took 3... yikes), but I was able to get enough out for this afternoons cup to keep me warm while I finish up work, yes and blog.  But, after a few minutes of unsuccessfully getting water to do more than drizzle out, she said they will get a new one in the mail to me today! Badabing! That was easy.

I love it when companies step up and do the right thing, even if it's just a coffee pot right? Makes me realize that in life, things could be so much easier if we just step up and do the right thing. We screwed up? Call it out. Step forward accept the blame and make amends if needed and move on. It's so much better than harboring ill feelings, trashing people unnecessarily, and causing that mole hill to become a mountain. I've done this. I'm sure you've done this. There are times that rather than facing the music we think it's better to place blame, hold a grudge, hide away to try and escape, etc... We all want to face our fears right? Whether our fear is not having a cup of coffee in the morning or taking blame and asking for forgiveness for something we've done.

The best way to fix something is tackling it head on. I've learned this the hard way. I'm a procrastinator by nature. In every area. You name it I'll get it done... at The. Last. Minute. This drives my poor husband bonkers. I've had other appliances that I knew were on their last leg, or had died, and I just put it off and put it off because I was too busy. Then when I did call (this is a TRUE story), I was 15 days past my warranty date! Talk about a screw up.

There are so many examples in life, little things like my call to Keurig, that could apply to much bigger issues. My OneWord for the year was Brave. Doing one thing each day that "scares" me, or causes me discomfort. It may sound silly, but this is just another baby step for me in the right direction.

So thank you Keurig. Both for immediately replacing my brewer and for the lesson learned.