Where My Focus Is

How many years has it taken for me to realize what my son already knows at the age of 18?  I guess twice as long, as I'm almost 40 and just fully accepting the truth that I've been told for years. I try over and over again to handle life on my own, only to become burdened, stressed, overwhelmed and frustrated. Bills pile up, to-do lists don't get done, arguments and tempers flare, and I realize I'm trying to do things my way with no ones help. I hate to ask for help, I would like to think I am strong enough, smart enough to do whatever it is On. My. Own. 

But the truth is I'm not. I'm not smart enough. I'm not strong enough. I don't have the emotional strength to carry everything on my own shoulders. That's why God tells us to "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7. I repeat this over and over to myself when I finally feel myself falling into the downward spiral that relying on myself leads to. And when I suddenly give it all to Him. When, I take that deep breath with tears in my eyes, I realize that it feels So. Much. Better. His arms lift all the worries, the fear, the burdens, the sadness off my shoulders and he carries them away. Far. Far. Away. 

Someday I feel that I will have this down. That I will always seek Him first when is start to feel those feelings. When I start to feel stressed because once again I've put my name on too many lists, that I will turn to Him and ask for the the strength I need to say "No." Keeping God at my center, not my to-do list. Keeping Him first on my "to-do" list daily. Daily prayers and devotions. My downfall is all the other areas of my life that turn my attention from God and my focus starts to stare at something else... where our focus is, is where we spend our time, our resources...  that becomes our "center". I want my center to remain in Him.

"Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God." Matt 4:4

My focus seems to have always been (of recent) my "to-do list". Always having another thing to do, coaching, board duties, volunteer duties, work, mom, wife, friend, etc... I was always "finding" something to do as my husband put it. I denied this at first. It's not like I was out finding "bad" stuff to do. I was just "doing" the everyday stuff, right? A good friend of mine got me a bag that said, "stop me from volunteering again." I guess everyone saw it but me. And saying "NO" is not, has never been, easy for me. I'm a giver, a pleaser, a servant... the list goes on. I don't mind. But my stress level does. When I get home at night and haven't had time to do dishes, laundry, pay bills, clean the cat litter, much less sit and relax, then it becomes an issue. I've done so much for so many, but the basics get neglected. I feel bad taking an hour to go get my hair trimmed or just sitting on the couch with a good book. I shouldn't. I should be allowed to relax without thinking about the million and one things that HAVE NOT been done yet.

So today, and hopefully everyday, I'm turning to Him first. Seeking his guidance for the wisdom to make my choices count for Him. I'm seeking His will in all the little things. It may seem silly to some, but when all the little things begin to control and overtake, is that satan filling us up with whatever he can to distract us from our true path? I will seek Him daily. His will. His plan. His direction for my life, even over paying my bills and volunteering in my free time. Because it's not about me. It's about Him and being the Best. Me. that I can possibly be so that His light and His love will forever shine through me. 

In 18 Years

My son had to write a poem for school - here it is. He has no idea I'm sharing, but not that many people will see it here... I've realized that he is far wiser at 18 years of age, than I am at almost 40. I would like to think that he learned this from me, but I cannot take credit as I still struggle with this. He is wise beyond his years with a faith I only hope I will have. I'm proud of the man he has become and this is one of the main reasons, not his athletic ability or good grades, but his true Faith and leadership that he shares daily.

These are the Words...

The Words I Would Say

Listened to this song today and now I can't stop listening to it. These are the words I would say to my kids, to my friends and family. These words are so true.

I've been crying A. LOT. lately. My son just turned 18, it's his senior year, senior pictures, he made homecoming court, he is going out of state (flying on his own-agh!) to meet with college wrestling coaches, the list goes on and on... But most importantly, he is a strong christian man. He sets a good example. He's a good leader, friend, boyfriend, brother and son. I am so proud of him in so many ways. When you learn from the examples your kids set... I've been there. When I would want to skip church, there he is, getting ready at 730am. I've learned as much from him over the years.

As I listen to this song, I think this is exactly what I want to tell him next fall when he moves away to where ever it is that God leads him. I want him to be the best he can be and to constantly search for God's will in his life. I know first hand the road you travel on your own is much more bumpy, uncertain and dark than the one God has mapped out for you. But many of us learn the hard way. None of us want that for our kids. We want them to learn from our mistakes so they don't have to make them on their own. I pray every day for their futures, wherever they will be...

I plan on sharing this song with him next year, and I hope, for him and my other two, that these prayers come true.

"Be Strong in the Lord, and Never Give Up Hope
You're Gonna Do Great Things, I Already Know
God's Got His Hand On You, so Don't Live Life in Fear,
Forgive and Forget, But Don't Forget Why You're Here,
Take Your Time and Pray..." 

As I cry more tears, just thinking about it... Ah! The joys of senior year emotions! My first born... My first to leave the nest.

The Real Struggle

I seriously think, no scratch that, I KNOW, I have some form of ADHD. Why can't I get online to do one thing without having 8 browser tabs open? Why can't I focus on just one book at a time? Why can't I clean my house without ending up picking up 12 things out of 4 different rooms, only to find that they are all still a mess and I just spent all my time "wandering" when I meant to grab the cleaning wipes 10 minutes ago? When I go upstairs for a new cup of tea or coffee, I wash 6 dishes, wipe down one counter and start dinner and wander back downstairs WITHOUT. MY. DRINK. It's frustrating. I spend more time making needless trips than actually accomplishing something.

Our lifestyles do not make it any easier to focus either. I will get a good focus going and then get distracted. For example I typed the above paragraph and then my phone vibrated so then I had to pick it up and see what the alert was, then my calendar reminder went off reminding me I have a conference call in 10 minutes, etc... Our lives are filled with interruptions, and we choose to let those interruptions cause a distraction for us. I don't know how many New Year's resolutions I've made to be more disciplined, more focused and more organized. Has it happened yet? No. Not really. Have I tried? Yes, maybe not hard enough.

I decided to be a Beachbody coach. I LOVE the way I feel taking Shakeology. I love the way I feel when I workout, while drinking the shake everyday is easy, the getting up an hour early to work out part, is not. I struggle, no actually I snuggle. In bed. With my dog.  And pull the pillow over my head and block out the alarm. Then later in the day realize it's either workout, clean or one of the other half a million tasks I need to do, but that I can't do them all. So it's generally working out or cleaning that go by the wayside. Seriously, I am not filthy. My house is safe and mostly clean. I do dishes and laundry everyday, clean the cat box, etc... But when was the last time I cleaned baseboards? Really scrubbed down the entire house? I don't remember. I have papers on my fridge from last years sports schedules. I have pictures and Christmas cards from years and years and years ago in a drawer in our kitchen... I don't know why. Other than I haven't committed to throwing them out. Some relative may find out I threw out their Christmas family photo and hold a grudge. Back to the point, I love Beachbody and coaching, but I NEED to have focus to be successful at it, or anything for that matter.

When I started in April I was determined. I was focused. I was ready to change my life. I was giving all my glory to God. I was committed to tithing. I was journaling daily. Then I lost focus. My mind wandered as I was "busy" with all the back to school "stuff", coaching and sports events, senior year stuff, etc... The list could go on and on. But what I've realized is that it's up to me to choose. We are all busy, but why? Because we choose to take on more than we can physically and emotionally handle. Then at that point everything else unravels. I snap at my kids at my husband and live in a generally frustrated mood. I stay in bed with my dog instead of getting up and doing my devotions and workout. So how do I work on staying focused? I need to ask God, daily, for his help. I know that when I seek Him and His will, that life just goes more smoothly. I'm not as ornery, rushed or frustrated. One of the books I'm reading now, "The Best Yes", by Lisa Terkeurst, is about choosing when to say yes. Some of us (me me me) have a hard time saying no. I feel like I'm expected to do a lot of things that a lot of other people never even think of doing, like making chicken citrus salad for a school of teachers tomorrow during conferences so they have food... Why do I feel compelled to volunteer and say yes to stuff like this when I don't even make time for the stuff I NEED to do everyday??

So, as part of my "staying focused" attempt #1,693 (probably more than that) I am committing to my daily devotions and journaling/blogging. Daily or at least 3-5/wk exercise and spending a 1/2 hour a day working on some area of my house that NEEDS to be decluttered. Because every time I see it, the frustration builds. So how to do this? I need to add 1-2 hours of time to my day right? That means getting up about an hour early and instead of relaxing (which I know we all need) at night on the couch with the kids for an hour or two, it means decluttering. It won't be easy. I'm guessing at some point I'll start a cupboard full of stuff and come back an hour later to see that I left in in a state of disarray and feel like a failure for not being able to organize one silly cupboard. BUT, I know that my organizational skills doesn't define me. I'm not perfect. And as the one book I'm reading says, (paraphrased) I'm a work in progress. I'm making small baby steps, imperfect progress, but still progress. (From Unglued by Lisa Terkeurst).

So, be prepared for blogging... I'm taking those  small steps to be a better me, a better wife, a better mom, friend and coach. I'm hoping to declutter (1/2 an hour at a time), get in shape, and Be. Happy. with the choices I make. It won't happen overnight. I'm sure if you check back in a year, the struggle will war on, but hopefully my house will be 100 lbs of clutter lighter and my abs will be toned, and most importantly, God will be smiling upon me as I read my devotions and spend time in prayer. The struggle is real, most definitely, but it is not impossible. Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. 

My Why... My Reasons...

So I cohosted a call today on "What is Beachbody Coaching", let me just say, I HATE talking. The introvert in me prefers writing and not talking out loud, I talk to myself all the time, but others? No thank you. Anyway, after technical issues, of course I dropped the call 3 minutes in and had to call back. Then I was all choked up and felt like my voice was cracking. Ugh. I felt it went horribly, others said it went well, but they might be being nice to save my feelings. Oh well, she is going to make me do another one so hopefully that will go smoother! But, because I'm more of a writer, I figured I'd clean up my notes and BLOG my story, rather than try to speak my story. It's just more me... So here's my story, my why I love Beachbody, and what I have dreams to do with this little business. Thanks for reading, even if it's only one person. I feel better writing it for myself alone...

"So why did I decide on top of everything else that I do, to start a small business? I’ll start by giving you my more recent background. I’m a wife, fulltime employee and mother of three. About six years ago I trained for and competed in a sprint triathlon and my first half marathon, and then also did multiple 5k, 10k, and other half marathons. I felt fabulous! I was in great shape, I was eating well and life was good. Fast forward a few years… I lost my job when my company moved to Ohio. I was blessed to find a new job right away and as a bonus it was a WORK AT HOME job doing exactly what I had been doing before. Awesome. But, then being at home and the free time that involved, led me to get involved in a few other things (all good and all volunteer work-school board, coaching, other volunteer stuff) but before I knew it I became “busy”. Too busy to do what I had grown to love doing. Fast forward to April 2013, I had a bunch of blood work done. I was losing some more hair than normal (like literally handfuls), my vitamin D level was non existent, my blood sugar was low, my iron was low, you name it… They put me on some prescription strength vitamins, but after a year of this my levels were still low. I was sleeping ALL THE TIME. Working at home made it easy. Get the kids ready for school go back to bed till 8, log in to work, then about 10am take a 20 minute cat nap. At noon take a 45 minute nap. At 3 take another 20 minute cat nap… Then by 9pm I was still exhausted and would fall in bed and get nothing accomplished. I have come to term this period as the “horrible terrible vicious cycle”. I was consuming 2 pots of coffee a day to try and stay awake, I was hardly eating because of all the coffee. When I did eat I had an upset stomach because of all the coffee. If I didn't have my coffee I couldn't stay awake. I was not exercising and was putting on weight along with losing all the muscle I’d work so hard to tone (my 6 pack abs were gone).  I was miserable.

The turning point for me was spring break this year. I looked in the mirror one day and realized the same capris that looked so good on me two years before were tight and I had a muffin top! I didn't even want to put on a swimsuit, at all. I wasn't fat by most peoples standards, but I wasn't the me I was used to. I was blessed with good genetics and muscle tone, where did this none muscle stuff come from? I clearly wasn't happy. The next turning point was catching myself not hearing my kids, I just couldn't focus, because I was so tired. I felt like the worse mom ever the day my youngest looked at me bewildered and said, “mom, I just told you that…” How much of their lives had I missed because I was tired? How many conversations were listened to but not heard? 

I came home from spring break, which had been a bust financially as our transmission went out on us while we were in Missouri -that was an extra two grand we did not plan on spending nor have saved. I remember seeing about that same time a post from Leslie, my coach, whom I had been stalking for about 6 months, about the money she was making and I remember seeing a post about how good her nails looked after Shakeology. I know, money and fingernails, right.. But seriously, if you've ever had problems with vitamin deficiency, you know how bad of shape my hair and nails were in (besides the rest of me). I decided I had to do this. I studied up on Shakeology and all the problems I was having could possibly benefit from it. So, I ordered my first challenge pack and signed up as a coach on April 18^th this year. Like I said, our budget was tight. We just replaced that blessed transmission (I pray it's blessed now anyway) and I couldn't really afford it. So I cut back. No more Biggby fancy coffee. No more fast food or McDonald frappes... which if you have ever had are a little piece of heaven ( which I have not had ONE frozen coffee drink since spring break). But I did it. I took the jump and decided not just to order to Shakeology but to sign up as a coach (mostly because there is a discount). 

By day 4 on Shakeology, I remember walking upstairs at 11:30 am and realizing that #1. I had actually been productively working without feeling like I was falling asleep at my desk, and #2. I had only had 1 cup of coffee, the rest of the pot sat there cold and untouched! I would normally have consumed a whole pot by 9am and also would have normally been walking upstairs to start the 2^nd pot of coffee for the day (to replace my lunch). I had not planned on giving up coffee, it just happened on it’s own. I felt better than I had in the last couple years. I actually gained weight the first couple weeks I was on Shakeology because I was eating again, not junk food, but just meals in general. I wasn’t sleeping through my day and living on caffeine. 

Now I’m down about to where I was a few years ago and my clothes fit normal again. I don’t quite have my abs back like they used to be but with TurboFire and PIYO I’m getting there. But it’s not just about size. Even if my jeans were still tight and I still had a muffin top, I would be forever a Shakeology customer just because of the way I feel. On top of that I have just started to notice changes in my skin, hair and nails. Today I was up at 5:45 am and worked out before starting my day. The other bonus to this is teaching my kids about nutrition and health. They have my shakes once in awhile as a treat (not a meal replacement). They watch me make healthy meals, and they are knowledgeable on their own nutrition.

The coaching for me was just going to be a way to get Shakeology cheaper and to hold myself accountable to the workouts, but by the end of April (less than 2 weeks after signing up) I had already hit Emerald coaching status, by signing up a good friend, my cousin and my sister-in-law. I realized that in that short less than 2 weeks time, I had already earned $159, my challenge pack had cost $150 after shipping. I decided at that point that I would really work this business. I had seen what some of the other coaches were making, but it didn’t really click that that could be me. In the 3 months and one week that I've been a coach I've earned almost $900. That may not sound huge, but when you are living check to check it’s a blessing!

I've also fell in LOVE with Beachbody as a support system and company. The coaches in our group and some of the other ones that I follow on facebook, all genuinely care for the people they are helping. This is what I feel was lacking in my life. Working at a desk all day, at home, in my basement, I rarely feel that what I do on a daily basis benefits someone other than the company I work for. But with Beachbody, I've had people message me about how I've helped them. One of my first Shakeology customers sent me an awesome thank you note. She had a lot of the same problems that I had prior to taking Shakeology, and also feels much better and cut back her coffee intake. I look around the Beachbody group and see all the lives that are being improved, not because people are “skinnier”. Skinny is not the goal. Healthy is. I was “skinny” but I was not healthy. Skinny doesn’t make you happy. Healthy does. Skinny doesn’t let you enjoy time with your kids. Healthy does.

I don’t know that I can repay Beachbody for the turnaround that I have made in my life any other way than paying it forward. I feel God has big plans for Beachbody and I. Like I said, I’m a new coach, just over 3 months, but Leslie has convinced me to name some “big scary goals” that I’d like to hit with this business. So now, I’ll share those with you, too. First and foremost is to start paying down our debt and take some personal development courses on how to start living debt free. I know debt free won’t happen in a year, but I’m taking those steps to work toward it. Next, is to have that emergency fund so when the transmission does out when we are out of state we don’t have to worry. Also, being able to tithe at church. I always made excuses before, mainly that I just didn't have any extra money. From dollar one that I made from Beachbody I have given 10% back to our church. No more excuses…  

Next is the BIG BIG goals for next year… paying for next years awesome family vacation in CASH, flying all 5 of us to the Bahamas or taking a cruise for my sons senior year. And the biggest one of all, by July of next year, to be earning enough weekly to cover my son’s college tuition bills when they start rolling in , IN CASH. I have some even bigger, scarier goals for 3 years but I haven’t quite nailed them down yet, but I believe that God called us to do BIG things with our lives, and that we should listen when we hear him squeak open that door of opportunity. God won’t push us through the door, he will open it and just see if we are listening, if we are ready and willing to put in the work to do what needs to be done with our lives. Not only are our bodies meant to be a temple that we take care of, but caring for people and giving back to others is also something we should be doing. I want my kids to be proud of who I am. I want my family to have a mother/wife that they can say was here for them, listened to them and worked hard. Not a mom that barely dragged herself out of bed for a cup of coffee each day. I will be that mom. I will follow the path that God will lead me in, and I will listen for that voice of opportunity. Before, I was too tired to look for opportunity even if it was hitting me in the face. 

I know that building a Beachbody business won’t be easy, it’s not just playing on facebook or instagram all day. It will take time, it will mean building relationships with people and helping them. I decided I’m all in, I hope you are too!"

Ooops Moments..

I was just inspired by my friend Denise - Life With Four Boys - to share my Ooops Moment from this summer, since she shared hers!

This cute little guy is RUDY. He is our almost 11 month old "beabull" puppy. He is half beagle and half english bulldog. His attitude is almost all bulldog. And besides the little bit longer nose/ears, he is 45lbs of pure muscle. We call him our beagle on steroids...

This cute little thing was the monster behind one of my most embarrassing moments EVER.  He looks all cute an innocent (even when caught with evidence hanging from his mouth).

We were at my youngest sons baseball game. He begged and begged to bring Rudy. I heard a lot of "he'll be good", "he loves other people", "he loves other dogs"... which in general is all very true. However, what we didn't put together was HOW MUCH he loved other dogs. We were playing at an away game that is our "closest rival". There were lots of fans there that day. We picked a spot right next to our boys dugout so Rudy could be near the boys between innings, more so so he wouldn't cry because he couldn't see our son (this pup has separation issues). That convenient location was also all the way around the other side, so walking to that spot you walk around the backstop and the other teams side. 

Halfway through the game, Rudy is getting anxious. Our son is out in the outfield and he (the dog) can't see him to well (he was fine when he was pitching/catching). So I decided to take him for a walk, distract him while they were in the field. This ended up being a LONG inning. After about 10 minutes or so of trying to distract him, we headed back to our seats. A long the fence that we walk past are two little (you know the so little I can put in my purse type puppies) puppies just yipping away as we walk towards them. Rudy is wagging his tailless butt so hard his whole body is wagging with JOY. Friends!  What he doesn't realize is one lick from him could knock these puppies into tomorrow.  So, being the good dog owner I am, and not wanting him to check out other dogs in public. I decide to keep him close to me. His leash was too long though so I decided just to hang onto his collar. 

Rudy is maybe 15" tall at most. I am 5'7". So, just imagine, I am bent over hanging onto his collar, walking between all kinds of camp chairs where people have camped out to watch the game. As I begin to think we are in the clear, almost past the yipping puppies, he lunges. He practically pulls my shoulder out of socket. But I don't let go. What I did was get pulled onto my knees, then I rolled as the dog tried lunging again, with my hand twisted in his collar. Right. Behind. The. Backstop. I ended up on my derriere, with dirt and gravel clinging to me, with my hair sticking out of my clip, my face beet red, and my arm twisted at a weird angle trying to hang on. The worse part. I went to stand up and couldn't. I was in such a weird position that standing from it was not possible. So, I had to first sit up right (after my first attempt at standing failed me), then stand up, while still trying to hang on to the dog. A few of the other parents from the other team showed concern (inside I'm sure they were laughing their butts off). I dusted myself off, pushed my hair out of my face and proceeded to go back and sit down, just to hear my husband asking the guy next to him, "whose wife is that??" Thanks. 

Then as the inning ends (of course right as I'm getting to my seat), I hear all these little boy voices, "Mrs. Slaughter! We saw you fall!" I guess they thought it was cool.. or funny. The coach from our team, tried telling me he got it on video, but I know it would have surfaced by now so I'm 99.9% sure that I lucked out and not a single sole captured the moment on video. 

I would like to say the moral of the story is to stand up every time you fall... when in actuality it's just to know the strength of your own darn dog. Mine is obviously stronger than me. 

Plans & Dreams

Why does it seem so hard? Do you know what God's plan for your life is? Do your dreams for the future align with the plan? How do you know? Keeping our eyes open for the plans and opportunities that he has waiting for us is so hard. Will you have your eyes closed and let it pass by? Will you catch a glimpse yet not recognize it? Will you  be looking and waiting, expecting with all your faith, that the door will open in his time? Do you have the faith to wait, patience to reserve your own actions? Faith. Hold the Faith. That's what I keep reminding myself. Keep praying and keep believing.