Becoming an Empty Nester

So here I am, home "alone" again on a Friday night. Technically, the hubby is home, but he's sleeping as he's a third shifter and working later tonight. The baby, who isn't a baby anymore, just left for the movies with friends, so it's me and the three dogs. 

Part of me was frustrated, he's home long enough to dump his dirty clothes, shower and change, do a few chores then turn around and leave. It's not the laundry, if it was that bad I would make him do his own. It's not that he's gone, I'm glad he has friends and is enjoying being a teenager in summer. That's what we all wanted right? Movie with friends. Lake with the friends. It's the stillness. The stillness will get you. 

When the older two were home, there was never stillness. The oldest wasn't gone much, the middle one was gone a lot, but I always had the youngest and his friends to entertain. Now with the older two gone, it's the stillness. The what do I do now? 

Last night I went for a hike after he got home from work, showered and then went back to a friends. Today it's raining, so no hike for me. I'm no good at cooking for one, so leftovers or grilled cheese it is. There is only so many shows to binge watch, books to read... 

And as I was throwing is laundry in and contemplating having a good cry with a glass of wine, I realized that soon there won't be a cyclone of energy to walk through that door and drop his dirty football stuff, leave his wet towels in the bedroom, bring me dirty laundry and scarf down whatever food he can find. That bag of trash won't have a teen boy to carry it down to the dumpster. The lawnmower will need a new driver. And there will one day be a shortage of golf balls in my yard... and that's when it hit me. I'm two years away from facing this daily. Two years and this will be my normal. 

How do y'all face the empty nest? I think I need a new hobby. I'd take up running again if my knees and back could take it... maybe I will anyway and just give them the challenge. Maybe the stress on my body will relieve the sadness in my mind. 

Time to face the future ahead of me, and what this empty nest will look like, and how I will become the best version of what this momma wants her children to see. 

Two years... if it's anything like the last 26, they will go by in the blink of an eye. 

Choosing to Change the Dream

That day you wake up and realize, life is not what you planned.... If I had mapped life out at 18, I would likely not be here today. My dream job was becoming a best-selling author. I started school as an English/Journalism major, and ended with a Business degree and working in the Insurance Industry for 20 years. But life is not meant to be planned. Life is meant to be lived. 

That career, while not my dream job, has afforded me the balance and ability to live my life the way I desired. I have been able to stay involved as a parent, while working from home, in so many aspects of my children's lives. Now, I'm working on becoming an empty nester, and re-evaluating those dreams and plans. 

Life is all about what we make it. I was taught, and have taught my children, that everyday is a choice. A choice to make it a good day, a choice to work hard, a choice to move forward. I've lived my life with no regrets, and if there is more that I want to accomplish, then today is up to me to make those choices. 

Grandma Bessie the Patchwork Queen

So it's been an emotional week this week, probably just because I'm hormonal, but tears are running like the faucet it seems. It's always the little things. This post alone took me a week to finish. I just couldn't without tears.

Last week my hubby wanted me to try patching his favorite jeans for him. Let it be known, I am not a seamstress. I don't sew. I rarely mend. I'm good at fixing buttons. That's about it. My mom, bless her heart, spent a whole year of girls scouts teaching us to sew. Basically, I know how. I at least know the girl scout basics. I once bought a sewing machine. It was out of the box, and I did attempt to use it to sew patches onto football jerseys for my husbands team. I lasted about 5 minutes before I boxed that baby back up, returned it to Walmart, and headed for moms... That was the extent of my sewing career.

So he asked me to patch a pair of jeans. I said yes because I know how it feels to lose your favorite jeans, but Lord help me... So I reached out to the memories of Grandma Bessie. She was the mend, repair and patch queen. Even if we didn't want jeans patched, because really sometimes holes in your jeans were cool. Nevertheless, they reappeared in our laundry basket entirely hole free. Even in the year of "you girls are now responsible for your own laundry," which basically turned into Grandma waiting till mom was gone and gathering the clothes and still doing our laundry, she really was the best. She fixed holes in socks, in jeans, probably in underwear. There were so many times you would come home and she was in her rocking chair in her room, patching holes.

She was from that generation, growing up in the depression, you saved, you fixed, you reused, before recycling was "in", they recycled. She saved everything from tin foil to pea juice. And, most importantly, she patched jeans. I immediately thought of her when I had this task of patching jeans. Number one, where did she get the patch material? I'm sure she had a secret pile of saved old jeans that were beyond patching. I did not. I had to dig around for an old pair to sacrifice for a patch.

Patch material found and an old pocket sacrificed, I was ready to attempt a patch. But where to begin, where to do the stitching? Are you supposed to see it? Not see it? I didn't have blue thread, because again, I'm not into sewing. I have the basics for button repair. Black thread, white thread and maybe three needles, which I can never find. But I found one, I was ready, ready as I could be anyway.

{The ugly patch job.}

So with the patch somewhat secured, I began the tedious process of patching. Like every other 42 year old out there, my vision is borderline - I might need bifocals - and trying to thread the needle was a process in itself, but I was able to finish one side. Then, looking at the mess in front of me it hit me. I missed it. I missed the chance to sit and watch Grandma sew. All the years, all the hours spent in her room. There were plenty of stories, snacks and sleepovers, but she usually did the sewing alone. I missed it. I never sat and watched, really watched. I never asked the questions. I never let her teach me. I took it for granted that Grandma would always be patching my clothes for me.

And all of a sudden, alone in my kitchen, looking at the stupid pair of jeans, I lost it. Tears... so many tears. I was sobbing. How did I allow myself to miss that chance. Grandma Bessie would have been 100 this year. I hope she is up there sewing heavenly patches and laughing at my horrid attempt at a patch job. But I will learn, I'll get better. Because if Grandma Bessie thought it was important to save, reuse, and patch, then it was important.

I've realized that just like taking for granted that I would always have her to patch when needed, we take so much for granted in this life. If nothing else, I will take time to stop, to learn, to ask the questions. To put my phone down. Read a little more, write a little more, Facebook a little less... Life is too short. And if you have a Grandma Bessie in your life, absorb those moments. Cherish those lessons. Remember those stories. One day it will be all you have. And if you ever need a pair of jeans patched, I am not your woman. But I know a great Grandma you can think of while you learn to do it yourself.

Why the Switch

How many of us have made New Years Resolutions? I know I quit drinking soda in January, and with one back slide (about 1/2 a fountain diet coke) in the last 4 1/2 months, I've done pretty well. 

We have all made "those" resolutions. Eat healthy. Drink more water or green tea, less soda. Workout. I have also purchased safer products for my home. Cleaning products that are non toxic. I use a lot of baking soda and vinegar. I've tried to cut the harmful stuff out of most area of my life. Recently I ordered safe deodorant and charcoal toothpaste for my family (yes, they think I'm crazy). 

But what is scary, is that our SKIN, is our largest organ. And most of the switches I've made, have very little to do with what I put on my skin. Until now... When I signed up with Beautycounter, at first it was because I loved the charcoal bar, and it cleared my adult oily/acne skin up like a miracle. But since January, when I signed up as a consultant, I've been doing more and more research on what our everyday products do when we apply them. Did you know you absorb those toxins pretty much right into your blood stream? Did you know that sunscreen your using may in fact be causing cancer? My niece, very light complexion, very blonde, lived in Arizona almost her entire life. By age 14 she had pre-cancerous skin removed from her face... Her mom lived by sunscreen. Dangers of Sunscreen ... Did you know that companies don't have to tell you what is in their "Fragrance" because it's a "trade secret"... They don't have to tell you. You have no idea what "Fragrance" contains. 

The more I read and watch videos and study up on the chemicals that we are using DAILY, the more I stand behind Beautycounter. And, while I started because I loved their products, I will continue because I LOVE their mission. They are one of the only skin care cosmetic companies that has true transparency. Their ingredients are listed on their website - Ingredients. They have a strict Never List  of ingredients they refuse to use. And they have an active Mission of putting safer products into the hands of every consumer, whether or not they are Beautycounter products, or another brand. The main goal is educating consumers on finding safe products and doing the research when you buy. 

I watched this video again this morning - The Ugly Truth - and I know that I will continue to support this company and their mission. Please take a coffee break and watch this video. I'm not asking you to buy from me, I'm asking you to be informed on the Ugliness of this industry. I'm asking you to read ingredient labels. This industry, being self governed, will not change until the consumers push back enough that they have to. 

#switchtosafer #loveyourskin 

xoxoxo 

Beautycounter

P.s. you can also check your current products here EWG Skin Deep to see what safety rating they have, if the company discloses their ingredients... 

Another Mundane Post

This morning's devotions were on Contentment {Glimpses of Grace: Treasuring the Gospel in your Home, by Gloria Furman}. Where do we find our contentment? What "things" do we base our contentment around? This quote from the devotion really hit home, "Experiencing grace in the mundane is about far more than counting your blessings or being thankful for the life you've been given."  The mundane - meaning "lacking interest or excitement; dull."

Let that soak in a  minute...

...

"Experiencing grace in the mundane is about far more than counting your blessings or being thankful 

for the life you've been given."

I know I'm blessed. I thank the good Lord daily for the numerous blessings I've received. However, I am not sure the last time I felt grace or blessed for doing laundry, doing dishes, picking up the messes for the 50th time for the week. I can't remember the last time I said, "Thank you Lord, and Hallelujah, for giving me cat litter to scoop!" 

I will admit right here and now, that I rarely see the grace and blessing in the mundane. I drag my feet getting out of bed a lot of days, it's another day of the same old thing. Get the kid up, make breakfast, pack lunches, work, answering the phone, doing the mundane at work, doing the little things that I find so aggravating at times, on my lunch I usually do some laundry, get dinner around, scoop the cat litter, take out the garbage, etc... and the day rolls forward in the normal mundane fashion. And rarely, if ever, do I stop mid chore, mid work day, and say "Thank you Lord for chores..."

We thank God for the big things. The roof over our head, the jobs that provide, the food in our fridge, but we don't thank him for the little things that come with keeping that job, paying the bills to keep that home, buying the gas that gets us to the grocery store to buy the food that feeds us. Are you with me? We are grateful for the big picture. We are grateful for families and love, and life and health. We are rarely grateful with the daily grind that makes the rest of those blessings possible. 

How many times have I mumbled under my breath while doing these mundane things? How many times have I ranted out loud that dishes and laundry are NEVER ENDING... How many times have I complained about doing the mundane for the people I love? I have not been grateful. I have not looked for the grace or the blessings while doing the every day mundane chores. If you are like me then more times than not, we complain about the mundane. 

I've been seeing a lot of posts on Lent, today is Fat Tuesday and tomorrow the season of Lent begins. I have never done lent. I was raised Baptist/Bible and we just didn't do that. However, at TVC they have a "Fast Forward" where you don't just give up something, you give up something and you pick something else to do instead. So, this year I will give up Complaining about the Mundane. I will replace it with being Thankful for the Mundane. 

I will be thankful and count the blessings, the little ones. The ones that lead to the big ones. I will be thankful for every interrupting phone call and inconvenience during my work day, because that means I have a job. I will be thankful for the inconvenient requests and chores that I have to squeeze into my schedule for my family, because that means I have a family that relies on me, who I have the amazing opportunity to bless in return by doing these mundane things for them. I will be thankful every time I have to pay a bill, because that means we have income that provides for us. 

The mundane. The mundane is full of grace and blessings. Even though we don't see the boring, non-exciting, little things as full of grace or blessed, they are. Today when you count your blessings, when you look for God's grace, don't look at the big picture. Look for the mundane, and find God's grace and blessings there. 

Blessed

It's been a crazy few days. I've gone from incredible anger, I won't get me started on parents who don't volunteer but want everything under the sun and misplace blame... {end of rant}. Super highs. Happy moments and then down moments. I feel like this last weekend has put me through the tumbler of emotions - and not I am not pms'ing. That just takes chocolate.

At times like this I have to remember some of my favorite verses of Jeremiah...

God has a plan. It is usually not the plan that I think it is. More times than not, disappointment leads to something great. Something I hadn't really expected. I have to remember that HE has a plan. Not my plan, not my will, but His.

Then I have to remember that when I'm looking for His plan, that I need to truly be seeking His plan, "with all my heart". 

I know we all have those moments of sadness, disappointment, failures, and when life just seems like NOTHING is going where you thought it would. But HE holds us safely, holding us for the moment that His plan will be opened to our eyes. You may not be able to see it yet, you might not even be able to fathom it at this point in your life, but there is a plan out there much bigger than you and I can imagine. We just have to put our faith and hope in Him, and seek Him with all our hearts. I have faith that His plan will be revealed, not today, maybe not this year, but if I keep on keeping on... Keep moving forward. Keep looking to Him for my next step. Then I will see the plan.

Troubled Sea

Ran across this video today: Rend Collective "My Lighthouse"

The first line of the song just resonates with me, "In my wrestling, in my doubts, in my failures you won't walk out. Your great love will lead me through. You are the peace in my troubled sea."

So often I am troubled, as life throws all sorts of problems at me. Making adult decisions is something that even for the last 24 years of my actual adulthood, that I so often try to do on my own. I'm stubborn, I'm an introvert. I keep it all bottled up and just surge forward on my own trying to keep my head above water without asking anyone for help or advice. Even God. I let my troubled sea of burdens continue to deluge me with sinking waves.

Yet, even in these times when my sea is troubled, when the waters are rocking my boat, and the life jacket feels just out of reach, there is a light that will guide me safely home. I just have to look. I have to take a pause, a moment to look up from my troubles and lean on someone, to lean on HIM, and to see that He has a light shining for me, leading me home.

It was a good reminder listening to this song this morning that as they lyrics state "I will trust the promise you will carry me safe to shore."